Why you cant delete your FB Acc

1. Because you are super thin now, have a cooler group of friends / Because your ex best friend from high school got fat and you can’t resist watching their downfall!

For a generation of people like us, who live, sleep, eat and shit on the internet, Facebook is the best thing that has ever happened to us. But lately its become an addiction and you want to quit. Everything looks cluttered and you have trouble navigating a proper lurk experience, so you should just delete your FB and save yourself the technological headache! But wait, what’s that I hear? You can’t? You don’t know why but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? I feel you, bro. Facebook still has a tense grip on my iron clad balls too. One of the reasons why we can’t just say “good-bye to all that” is because we’d miss the smug satisfaction and joy we get from lurking people from our high school. Reading that one girl’s bad poetry (posted in the “Notes” section which no one EVER uses) brings you so much pleasure. Also hilariously sinful: watching your ex best friend slowly get fat on their photo timeline! Oh, what sinister fun it can all be! If you deleted your Facebook, how else are you going to feel superior? How about this? You’ll delete your FB when you want to become a better person but that won’t happen for, like, a really long time so…
Plus you look a lot better than you used to in high school. Chicks are pouring themselves on you like they never did and you want to brag about it. What a brilliant life !

2. Because there’s a one percent chance you’ll get invited to something that’s actually cool
Throughout the graduating years, event invitations have become bastardized by the constant spamming of nightlife promoters.(Yet you never get one!) But against luck you’ll still occasionally get an invite to a house party or a birthday celebration that sounds legitimately fun. And you know there’s no other way you’ll find out about the party if you don’t have Facebook. People are lazy these days. There’ll be no personalized text inviting you to their party. That’s a thing of past. You’ll only find out about it, the day after when you get a text from your friend being like “Why didn’t you go to Ananya’s birthday party at The Marrion last night? She’s sort of pissed…’
FYI, there’s no harm in inviting me once in a while. I wont bring herpes or a dash of STD’s with me. I am super cool. Didn’t you see my abs potrayed by so and so on my profile pic ?
3. Because we might become super successful one day and need to brag about it

You may have a shitty job where you just keep on massaging your boss’s ego and changing his toilet roll. You may have no romantic prospects right now but one day you might actually become super successful and need a space to brag about it to all of your acquaintances and exes. We all hope for it, don’t we ? Enter Facebook — a place where the humblebrag was practically invented. The minute anyone has ANY news to share, what do they do? Call their parents? Best friend? Nooo! They make a status update that says “OMG, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I GOT THE JOB/THE BOYFRIEND/THE BODY I’VE ALWAYS WANTED!/ I JUST HAD MY LIPS DONE/ I JUST HAD A BEER!/ I AM A STAR/ I’M SO BLESSED!” and then they watch those “Likes” pile up like dead bodies!(More likely to happen with girls though)
 Instant jealousy, instant satisfaction. You finally feel content now.

4. You’re a masochist/creep who needs to know what your ex is doing/who they’re doing
Sounds just about right. Facebook is like living on Temptation Island. You’re always one click, one page away from entering a forbidden place — a place that will bring you equal parts shame and pleasure. Checking an ex’s Facebook page, in particular, feels like the technological version of cutting. Make no mistake about it. You ARE self-harming when you look at these profiles. It’s terrible and you really shouldn’t do it but you’re just not ready to be evolved and “above it.” You’re actually quite content being “below it.” You are hence, a “creep” .

5. You don’t have anything else to do

If you delete your Facebook, how else will you spend your days? Your holidays? Its all you got ! You dont have a hobby. You’re not really a person who “does” things. You hate that fact but lets face it, its more easier this way. Does this mean you’ll actually have to go outside and be productive? Because you don’t know if you can emotionally do that just yet…

6. You are a coward

Its the best place you have got, to vent out your frustrations with your silly status updates. You take out your anger at someone here. Because its easier here. You dont have the fear of getting into a brawl or getting a black eye. You can take a dig at your boss or teachers even ! This makes you look a lot tougher and more cool.
You also get to "Hey, How you doing" to pretty girls you generally wont be able to, face to face.


Guys/Gals , lets get our asses off our beds this summer and do something productive like getting a haircut or our nails done or visit our granny.
Ohh let me post this on Fb btw. Be right back fellas. :)