A HAIRY NEW YEAR

He’s been around since the dawn of humanity.
Stone age, Ice age, you name it.
His stay is even older than the world’s oldest oak tree. He’s been loathed, disliked and spitted upon, by celebs, politicians, athletes and worse- “Students”, all around the globe.

Some say, “Its inclusive in the art of ageing gracefully”.

I am speaking, of course, of the much maligned- BALDNESS; or for a want of better word- “Receding Hairline”. Ooof !! God bless the merciful English Language.

So , really ?? ART ?? I am telling you, I don’t know about ART, but it sure is more embarrassing than your daughter-in-law’s FART.

Telly Savales was once quoted saying- “We are all born bald baby!”
Well yeah, we were also born naked when our balls were softer than Kim Kardashian’s bottom.
Whats your point ?

So what is Baldness or Balding exactly ?
Loss of hair on your head, that makes you look like a pig(Read : Loser) ? Naaah. That’s too old a definition.
Baldness is similar to Vasectomy. Only less painfull physically, but equally gut wrenching.
You are devoid of your best assets and you can only stand, stare and pee.

There’s one thing about baldness – Its neat !

Ready for demonstrations then ?  Meet Guy No 1 – Anjan Mohapatra.
I know what you’re thinking. Its happened to him too. Just when someone takes a look at his "He he he he h-AIR”, sticks a finger in his nose and begins to laugh; All Hell decides to break loose !!

He has been growing all kinds of beards to make-up for his receding mop. But he has heard it all.
All accusations, all jokes . Not a single joke left to throw at him.
Here are some classics we tried :

  “Once upon a time, your hair was on top of your head. Now your head is on top of your hair”
              “That solar panel you have installed up there is really fuelling a growth below.”
                                        “Your hair is hanging on for dear life, isn’t it?”

Life is a strange, humdrum affair where at times, one might be prompted to turn over a new leaf and go for a change. But not all of these guys have the luck to be like Rooney or Salmaan Khan!!

Guy No 2 – Rishul Matta.
A regular next door type guy, with a map of Rourkela installed on his head, who will just bend-over whenever you are in a dire need of a mirror.
P.S – His girlfriend is pretty. (So meant to be !!!)

Being a “FAADU GUITARIST” has its demerits also. All his hair has been washed down the gutter. (Read : guitar). The list of Hair-Strings jokes are unending.
Sadly, his lips and chin have gone bald too !! Hence, I helped him with some tips on how to grow a beard; errrr… grow anything to be precise. Just so that, he has something on his face.

Tips : DAY 1 – DO NOTHING.
           DAY 2 – DO NOTHING AGAIN.
           DAY 3 – DO NOTHING TWICE.
           DAY 4 – VERIFY THAT NOTHING IS STILL BEING DONE !

Repeat the cycle and BAAM ! You see an improvement. :)

So there.
Another year is nearing its end. 363 DAYS GONE and less than 363 Hairs left on their heads !
Mother earth is completing her “chakkar” around the sun.
Hope Santa brought you some hairfall potions. WISH all you balding guys out there –
A Happy New “HAIR” - 2012 !! Keep oiling and keep praying.

Keep the "Faith"

I am 21 and I am a GUNNER.
I have been an Arsenal fan since  2002, and will be for many years to come.
in fact , lets cut the bullshit here, its widely understood that “once a gooner, always a gooner”.

PRESENT SCENARIO:

The club now lies in what, 14 or 15^th pos ? Sagna, vermaleon and wilshere injured, lack of team chemistry, gaping holes in midfield and defence, our woes are unending.  A fierce and vocal fan myself, being a gooner has its own demerits nowadays. People who are new to the footballing world, sneer when they hear me chanting, or crack jokes about the team. END RESULT- spurts of blood, broken tooth and lots and lots of swearing.
When serious fellas ask me , “why do you follow such a team, which gets defeated every third match?”
ONCE A GOONER, ALWAYS A GOONER.
“If you haven’t got that yet, you will probably never understand. No need to rattle your grey matter.”

This blog is not about the success of the club, nor its player’s charisma or the magical aura enclircling the Football club. Its about why we, the fans, should never loose faith.

The Green

The green of the grass. Every time. It’s greener at Arsenal than anywhere else. The only time I can remember it being as green somewhere else is the first time I saw Arsenal play live. It was some time in the 2002 season, in a league game againstWBA, destroying them peacefully, 5-2.
Cygan and world cup winner Gilberto were the new additions, and Viera had been newly appointed as “The captain”
Arsenal FC boasts of one of the best football grounds in Europe. I guess thats something.

The Red (and white)

I love our kit. Red shirt, white sleeves. It’s timeless, classic and simple. Which is why it’s annoying when Nike get it so wrong sometimes.

My favourite kit is the one we wore in the Farewell season at Highbury though. Maybe it’s because it was the first time I had watched the entire season. It’s timeless, classic and simple.

And if I could find a pair of them, anywhere here, I would grab them INSTANTLY.

The Fans

As difficult as things are at the moment, and as depressing as I find it that people speak to each other online in the ill-mannered, pig-ignorant way they seem to think is acceptable, in real life the Arsenal fans I have met, and meet, are brilliant.

Generous, funny, passionate and intelligent. The first time I ever did that weird thing of ‘meeting people off the internet’ was for the Arsenal v Juventus Champions League game at Highbury. I was over at a friends’ and  it was  just fantastic. I’m still in touch with some of those people. Cheers Rahul and Avinash ! guys , remember when cesc scored and we literally broke the couch ?? Good old times.

Through Facebook, and other bolgging sites, I have met hundreds more, many of whom I would consider my friends, and those friendships are borne out of one thing and one thing only, Arsenal Football Club.

Highbury

Football moves on and business more than ever calls the shots but there’s no place like home. I’ve always loved city centre stadia. One minute you’re walking down a residential street, you turn a corner and there’s a gigantic football stadium.

Highbury might not compare to the Grove in terms of facilities, ease of access (maybe we should make it more difficult for people to get out) and the rest, but it has all the character. It’s always worth a walk past, to see that amazing East stand facade, and a touch depressing to see the apartments and gardens where so much Arsenal history took place.
I have never visited Highbury, but so I have heard. True, I think.

But who will ever forget it?

The Cannon

I’ve never been one for tattoos but I always said if I got one it would be the old cannon. What a symbol of a club. It’s not a cock perching on a ball, nor any other kind of bird or wild animal of varying ferocity. I’ll see your wild animal and raise you a cannonball in the face. I think you’ll find there’ll only be one winner.
I am about to become a graduate soon, and as soon as I am gonna sit for my interviews, I am gonna get it done. Me and my dad have worked out a deal !

The “The”

Not the band. The fact that we have a The in front of our name and nobody else does. There’s no The Chelsea. Certainly not a The Liverpool and definitely not a The Sp*rs.

There is, however, The Arsenal. It’s ubiquitous and unique. It is ours. Sometimes you hear a pundit refer to us as ‘The Arsenal’ on the telly and even if that pundit is one who you would like to smear with meat paste then chuck into a pit with a pack of starving jackals it’s still nice to hear.

Maybe it’s a small thing, maybe completely insignificant, maybe you could say we don’t even a need a ‘the’ but the fact is we have a ‘the’ and nobody else does.

We are The Arsenal.

The Badge

From woolwich till today, our crest depicts strength and power.
I just love the cannons. Well, whats there to hate ?

The Players

I know, in this day and age where all our players are shit and useless and should be sold/killed/minced up and fed to cats etc, people’s affinity with players isn’t what it was.

Yet under no other circumstances could I blindly worship another man the way I have with Arsenal players. The list goes back as long as I can remember. Bacary Sagna’s off the line clearance against Aston Villa 2 seasons back. He won my heart, then and there.

Bergkamp, Pires, Lujnberg, henry and Cesc were all obvious. But why, along the way, did I have soft spots just as big for Hleb, Edu, nasri, Philippe Senderos, Clichy and more? Players of varying quality who meant as much to me as the bone fide geniuses. I guess that’s the beauty of it.

I’m sure there are loads more if I stopped to think about it for longer, or if I had more time. But sometimes it’s worth stepping back and realising that Arsenal is something that you should cherish. It is, for all intents and purposes, a marriage, a lifelong relationship and committment. Following Arsenal has been an education, more of a love affair really.
I had even kept a fast before the semifinals against Juventus, for us to win !!

For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, and all that. We’re a bit sick at the moment and if you, like some columns I’ve read lately, want to leave your poorly partner because it’s all too much of a chore to lift him/her onto the toilet and then do the wiping, that’s entirely up to you. I’m sure you’ll be back once we’re on the mend though; when the good times return, which they will.

We can all be concerned and worried about where we are and where we’re going but we’ve been here before and we’ll be here again. This is nothing new in the life cycle of this football club.

I offer no solution today though, and present this simply as something to counter-balance the bile, hatred and invective that has become far too large a part of supporting … wrong word … following the Arsenal at this moment in time.

“Up the arse.” (Inspired by Arseblog ! :))

The Magic

I cannot really describe it, but I can recall a few to give you goosebumps.
Arshavin’s winner against Barcelona, last year.
Nasri’s 2 goals gunning down Manutd, 2 seasons back.
Cesc against Viera in the champions league semifinal.(Ars 2- 0 Juv)
Regular bust-ups between Roy Keane and Patrick Viera.
A dramatic 10 man, comeback against bolton in 2007-08, winning 2-3.

THESE ARE SOME MEMOIRS TO CHEER YOU UP. 

                                   Notice the audacity of henry to celebrate a goal in front of the Spuds ! Some even showing him the finger. Sad fellas…

                    Anyone who saw this match, can know the ecstasy and emotion of Cesc.
2-0 down at half time, one red card, it seemed gone. BUT ! ……

I could go on and on, but sadly, this isn’t a photoshoot, but you can google them anywhere. Right?
Keep following and Keep the Faith.   LOVE YOU ARSENALADDICTS !!

CONFESSIONS OF A HOSTELITE - (Mainly male)

Let me begin with an example. This will clear all your doubts about, what this blog is about and stuff.

This is a conversation that took place between a hostel boy ( Y ) and a Marketing guy ( X ) :

X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's

X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's

X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's

X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's

X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's


X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba's

X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company??

Y: No, He is my roommate

By the way, did anyone notice striking resemblances between Y and Anjan bhai ? The spot was to be grabbed by Mr Lenin Mishra, but hes gonna follow my blog, so there . J

Being a hostelite has its own merits. He knows the realms of life to the core of his heart- Survival, Adaptability and Sharing. Hostel life…. it made me what I am today. Good or Bad whatever. It gave me independence, freedom, and the power of making decisions, and a philosophy. I surely would have been a different person had i not been a hostelite. I ,on a personal note, have undergone a huge change, a change that you can never imagine about.

In a nutshell,  “u come here as a boy, u walk out a man” . Ingenious line really.

Okay, before i go bombarding in this article, special mention for some people. Hotels, pubs and uploading pictures on Facebook is not life. There’s a lot more to it . “Hostel life nahi jiya to kya jeeya” .

1^st things first. This blog is not about the life of being a hostelite, nor the emotions involved with it.
It is about what you learn here, with a flavour of total nonsense.

A  FEW ANECDOTES I PICKED UP.

1.        The goodness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of steamy scenes in it.

2.       The most valuable function performed by the federal government are entertainment.

3.       A penny saved is worthless.

4.       They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

5.       The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.

6.       The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are or will be some day, WORLD LEADERS & there is nothing that we cant do.

7.       There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 10.

8.       There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

9.       Nobody is normal.

10.    At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
- The universe is even bigger than they thought!
- There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
- Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

11.     The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

12.     Sachin Tendulkar is GOD.

13.     The other synonym of our education system is “SHIT”.

14.    Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

15.     Optimist: "The glass is half full."
Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."
Engineer: "That glass is twice as large as it needs to be."

Hostelite:  “Fuck the glass, lift the goddamn bottle.”

16.    If all the students who slept through lectures were laid end to end, they''d all be a lot more comfortable.

17.     Definition of a College Prof:  Someone who talks in other people’s sleep.

18.    1000 ways to trick your parents into slipping you more pocket-money.

19.    How to optimize your underwear: by wearing them again- insideout !

20.   A whole wing thriving on a single bucket and a single soap.

21.     Just because we dont get to do it, we figured out that studying is a lot better than sex. Here’s how :
     You can usually find someone to do it with.
     When you open a book, you don''t have to worry about who else has opened it.
     You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
     You don''t have to put your beer down to do it
     If you get tired, you can stop, save your place, and pick up where you left off.
     You don''t get embarassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
     A little coffee and you can do it all night.
     If you aren''t sure what you''re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!

And last but not the least, my no-1 favourite :

If you have been applying for jobs to start when you graduate but have been rejected, try sending off this letter....

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your letter of March 24th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal   to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and  promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your company''s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Sincerely,

Well, i could only remember this much. For further details, contact me or my mentor         Mr. Goes on Rambling – Anjan Mahapatra. Hope you guys had a blast . Keep learning the crazy nuances of life, a hostelite’s way !

As the kids see it, these days..

I'm writing this article because of my neighbour's class act.. And what did he do?? A corpulent fella of 12, found in his bedroom wid an ORIGINAL ordered Playboy  magazine issue and empty pizza boxes ..
......... parents working overnight ...
When i start to interrogate , the lass comes up with :

"pizza is a lot like sex; when its good , its really good and when its bad, its still pretty good !"

Wide eyed , i thought to myself , "havent heard that before, the one i heard was - we live in an age, where pizza gets to your house before the police.. nevamind..."
I was supposed to walk out straight right ?? I did the same..

Kids these days… you can’t take ‘em and you can’t shove ‘em under a moving car. At this point in my life I should be saying, “Man, I wish I were a kid again.” But, you know what? I’m not. I don’t like what I’m seeing out there: Hoodlums, punks and brats… oh my !! 

When I was a kid, I’d come home from school, throw my bag away, eat an apple and then tear outside to play with friends. At dinnertime, my mom would signal me and my dad to come and eat. The family sat around the table and my dad asked, “So, what did you learn in school today?”
“Nothing,” would be my practised answer, while shoveling Mom’s casserole down my throat. Every so often i would slip and say “damn,” an infraction my father punished, by smacking the foul-mouthed offender on the back of the head.

Hmph! Nowadays, hitting a child like that could easily command a million dollar lawsuit !!

Dad’s other form of stifling bad behavior was to deliver a boot in the ass. Jeez, if I’d been born a couple of decades later, I could have slapped a lawsuit on him and pocketed a cool three million.

Talk about social change… These days there are kids who are losing their virginity by the age of 10! When I was 10, I was only losing my toys, or my pokemon cards ! When my friends and I tried to get the low-down on sex, we spent weeks tracking down a magazine, then took turns spending the night with the issue. Today, all a teenage boy has to do to see a naked woman is type “hottie” into a major internet search engine, and 60,000 porno sites pop up—among other things. Sex is everywhere. Kids probably know as much as their parents. Talk about being a grown up !

All too often, parents today want their kids to be their best friends. Punishment is usually something like: “You are forbidden to download any songs today.” Whatever happened to chores??? As I observe the lazy children out here, I’ve become convinced that I was suckered as a kid. Damn, why did I have to be burdened with learning life lessons such as Do a job right the first time, Take responsibility and Work hard and the rewards will follow? Why couldn’t my parents be my friends instead of, well, my parents? We could’ve drunk beers together, smoked dope and played snooker while the gardener did the yard work. phew !! i wish ..

These days, my neighborhood is filled with kids that I rarely see. My suspicion is that they are inside their houses playing video games, watching TV, instant-messaging friends or chit-chatting on IPhones bought by parents as a reward for taking out the garbage one time last year; and m stuck with a nokia x2 !!
Sometimes i wonder, if these are really the only kids who can get to level 9 on Nintendo Wii games..

TV is an abomination. Hard to believe it, but in my day, we only had three channels to choose from apart from our cartoon serials. Shows like "Kyun ki saas v kavi bahu thi" have beenn replaced width "Emotional atyachaar , and MTV GRIND " ( i love the latter one :))

Oh the inhumanity!

Going out with your family is considered a taboo nowadays.. even if you do go, what does your mom get to see ??? chicks wearing skimpy outfits, dats what.
Dat may turn you on, but you have to nod in approval and grin stupidly when your mom frowns and says " whatever happened to our culture ??"

Cell phones have become a necessity. Trust me, guys from my college ( oh! whom am i kidding?  i'm talking about anjan bhai) even go to the bathroom with a cell in his hand.. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO GOOD OLD HANDWASHES ??

Pocket money:
When was the last time you spent 40,000 bucks in a month ???
P.S - Ask my roomie.

And do i need to tell you about gals these days??!!
Lemme put it this way , remember Deepak Dobrial aka pappi from "Tanu weds Manu" ??
"aadmi jo he, wo marne ke baad hi bhoot hote he, lekin aurat chudeil ki chudeil hi rehti he"
Too true, isnt it ? ingenious really..

Who’s to blame? Everyone. We’re all part of the problem. We’ve allowed society to dictate how we raise our children. We believe psychological mumbo-jumbo that tells us spanking or yelling at our kids will damage them for life. We don’t force them to go out and play. We give them things merely because they asked for them. “No” means “maybe tomorrow.” I have a feeling that when they get older they’ll be wondering why the trees don’t have money on them.

I’m glad that when I was a kid I was a kid. Instead of the internet occupying my childhood, I went for a hike in the woods, played cricket,ate chocolates, visited my relatives, swam in the ocean or climbed into a tree fort with my friends. I could talk to strangers and I learned how to look someone in the eye.
ok ok... may be i dint "swam in the ocean" but still, i turned out fine !!

A piece of advice to the guardians of those little rascals, get a copy of "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" ..