VSSUT FRIEND PROFILE : Roommate from Hell

Living with a Roommate can be blissful. You’ll help each other move things. You’ll haul heavy furniture up the stairs and accidentally drop parts and pieces. You’ll throw parties together.
You’ll watch movies together, go out for a smoke when you’re both restless. You’ll take blurry pictures together and put them up on the facebook, ask each other’s opinions about what to wear for a first date. You’ll meet each other’s girlfriends and parents, you’ll see all these people and discuss them in Bullu, the very next day.

You’ll pull at the blanket on opposite ends of the bed. You’ll sit with them on the deck, the steps, the roof, passing a joint back and forth and not talking. You’ll sit there with them under the stars and somehow feel lightened, on the edge of the world with nowhere to go but up. You will have comfortable silence.

You’ll get high together and have conversations that change you, conversations that start small and last accidental hours. You’ll talk to them about things you can’t talk about with your significant other, not even your best friend; you don’t know why but somehow it’s different. You’ll talk about things you can only talk about with someone who’s close to you without being too close.

You’ll take care of each other after fights and debilitating break-ups. You will shield each other from toxic two-faced friends. You’ll go to the dhaaba with them on a random night because they’re bored and then you’ll carry each other home, laughing and stumbling the whole way, supporting each other though neither of you can really walk.

You may even have the chance of watching porn together.

You’ll be there for each other for things. You’ll drive each other to pharmacy, the hospital; You’ll never feel completely alone because you’ll always have someone to talk to, if even for a brief exchange about the unwashed underwear. You’ll feel content and supported knowing that, living in a rickety shithole where it’s 100 degrees in the summer, with someone who is just as confused and clueless and young as you are, you’ve found a place to call home.

But my roommate is just an actual beast from a hell dimension, posing as a person. It makes total sense. He’s a GUNDA.

Tags: Maoist, Sundergarhiya Gunda, Laad-Saheb

It’s why he blasts music and TV so loudly — his ears work differently from a real humans. And that too third class Punjab Rap. Maybe they’re shoved inside his butthole because of his hell-beast anatomy so it makes it very hard for him to hear at a normal volume. Can’t fault the Sundergarh Lad for that. Maoists do have a habit of “Shor-Sharaba”.

He leaves dishes and crumbs everywhere because like Gremlins, water has adverse effects on him. It’s basically his Kryptonite. It’s also why he never showers. I mean, who could blame him?

He makes it so you can’t bear to be in the apartment — by leaving filth around, spitting gutkha, smoking weed so everything reeks  — because in his dimension, hell beasts love those smells so he actually thinks he’s doing you a favor. (Aw?)

Also, you’re statistically more likely to accidentally see his “Royal Subjects” because he always waits to do laundry until his last pair of underwear — the ones with the embarrassing holes we all have that nobody else knows about…until laundry day, where he wears the last pair inside out.
He's outspoken and shares a record 400gb of Brazzers Episodes on Lan. Mess with him and you're dead.
His Diwali incident is legendary. His record for paying fines is even more awesome. From ragging together to shagging together, we have done it all.

The Engineering chapter in our lives is coming to an end and who knows in 10 years, where are we gonna end up. I might have had a lot of two faced friends in this insti, but I have a brother who’s gonna have my back and be my best friend till I die. He’s by far the best thing that could have happened to me. This V-Day, i would rather get high with him, than run after some chick.
Next piece is gonna be on Soumya & Bhumika. Cya soon.