Disclaimer: The writer was apparently misunderstood in his previous articles. He/she means absolutely no harm and no disrespect to anyone whatsoever in his writing and any context containing criticism should be taken sportingly in the context of the article and article only. He loves his audience, his family, his friends, his past, present and future. :)) Love you and sincere apologies to one and all for any unpleasantries expressed.
Let me start with a quote.
“The best way to live can never be called living” – Pramit Panda
Ingenious lines man.
You have always been a disappointment. You settled for the second best in everything. You hated it. Yet you did nothing about it.
You’re missing something. You’re watching everything pass you by and it’s making you anxious but you’re not quite sure how to catch up. A small part of you doesn’t even want to catch up. You’ve become comfortable in your complacency, comfortable in your own mistakes. You become comfortably uncomfortable. Your slip ups have become some kind of solace. They’re yours to keep. Flaws have become your substitute for almost everything and you take them to bed with you.
Yet you don’t feel alarmed when you wake up everyday with the same sour feeling.
You’re too young to be completely happy. You’re currently living your lost years and even though it’s taking you down, you’re not ready for the alternative. Something that no one likes to admit is that it sort of feels good to screw up. You don’t think you know exactly what you’re doing? You can pretend to be naive to spare everyone else’s feelings but let’s not get confused: you’re in control here. Every step of the way.
That is, until you’re not. The thing about being a mess is that you eventually do lose control. The self-destructive spiral you’ve been orchestrating gets ripped away from you and put in the hands of something much bigger. Then you are fucked. (Not literally, :P)
Your life is precarious. When you were in your early years of college, you treated your mortality like it was a crappy purse. You’re not just someone watching their own life from afar. You’re in it now. And if you don’t take care of it, it will fall to pieces.
You have had a heartbreak. You learn not to assume things. You learn not to assume that the day you spent together in bed and took photos of each other against that white wall was important to both of you. In reality, only one of you will ever care about that day. Only one of you will flinch when you see the white wall again.
You learn that the person who once protected you from all harm could one day become the harm or vice versa. They could become the thing they spent so much time shielding you from. That’s how it always seems to work though, doesn’t? We give people power over our lives, we let them dictate the rhythms, and then we act surprised when there’s scratches.
You learn about the cruelty of time, the cruelty of fickleness. You learn that it’s possible for the person who knew you the best to eventually know nothing at all. You counted on them always knowing. You took solace in someone keeping score. But reliance is the first thing to go in a break up. You lose the right to call someone. You lose the right to ask how they’re doing. Imagine that. One day you had a VIP pass to their life and the next, you’re shut out completely. They’ll tell their grandma and pet dogs more things than they’d tell you.
You learn that there are two sides to a coin, and you weren’t perfect either.
You learn how bad heartbreak can hurt. All of a sudden you’ll be relating to sad love songs and feeling like such a chump. You listened to them before but never quite understood why they had so much resonance with people. Then you realized that it’s strictly for people who’ve dealt with the loss of love. All of a sudden Insanity along with that infinite rage takes hold of you and you end up making rash hurtful decisions. You disrespect people, your loved ones. You end up hurting your friends and your family. You become loose cannon and lose your self-respect. A raging lunatic with a malfunctioning Medulla oblongata. More importantly you hurt her more. :'(
You’ll learn terrifying things about yourself. You learn that you are suffering from a disease more commonly called as the Devdas syndrome. Most notably, the fact that heartbreak will turn you insane and obsessive. It makes you irrational and cripplingly nostalgic. (Your friends will even get fed up with you for a bit because you’re so cray cray.) There’s no real way to fix a broken heart other than time and you know it.
Most importantly, you’ll learn that it will all be okay in the end. Just like time killed your relationship, it will also be the thing that repairs you. Eventually enough time will pass that you’ll have nothing left to mourn.
All you’ll recall are occasional flashes of happiness and feel grateful for it. You can finally be in a place where you both are happy for each other and can be friends again. You would wish her happiness and have utmost respect for her. You will thank her for being a part of your boring yet eventful life. Thank for all the good things you shared. You understand that this is just how life works. You fall in and out of love with people until you land somewhere that makes sense. You’ve learned a new secret about life and people. You get it now.
It’s bitter to know. But it’s better to know.
This is how someone becomes the person they want to be. How you want to be that person. You make changes. You stop hitting the bottles and start deleting those numbers in your phone that might as well be daggers. You take responsibility for yourself. We often wonder why we do the things we do. But we already know why. Knowing and doing are two different things though. I know that x, y, and z make me unhappy but I guess, in the end, I just don’t care enough to make changes. You can’t force yourself to care. You need to reach a point where you DO care which can take a long time.
But once you have had the change, there’s no going back. Being a broken mess is a blast at 19 but once you’re old enough to know better and start to make those necessary changes, returning to that state will feel awful. That’s something to actually mourn. Closing the chapter on that and actively becoming the person you’re going to be feels great but it’s also a tad bittersweet. Sometimes you want to go back to being the person you were before all the bad stuff happened, but you know that’s impossible. So you just bid adieu to that time and look towards your future. (FYI, it looks super bright.) Why wouldn't it ?
P.S – A message to all assholes. You guys should not have opinions, cause we all know what comes out when you open up. Stop misdirecting and start understanding.
Thanks sanket bhai, for these awesome lines. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment