OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES

We as kids were warned not to mingle with strangers, not to talk to them, not take chocolates from them, not to go out with them and not to get into a relationship with them. Our parents warned us about people from the opposite sex, while starting college. Little did we know that, that’s what Arranged Marriages are for.

Let’s make a satirical comparison between the Classical Indian Marriage and theStockholm Syndrome. I will pause for a few seconds, so that some of you may wikipedia the term.
Like all satires it may hold some truths and like all truths it may even be universally applicable. The condition of the docile Indian housewife is a milder form of the Stockholm Syndrome.

Let's look for some similarities:

~The husband/hostage-taker goes out for work and the wife/hostage is alone. This is when she feels trapped the most.
~The wife/hostage can and wants to run away but finds a liking for her husband/hostage-taker even more when she has the opportunity to do so.
~When they start living together the husband/hostage-taker is merely being humane by providing. And the wife/hostage slowly goes from wary to trusting. And trusting to loving.

There could be many more parallels. But the point I'm trying to make is that the Stockholm Syndrome works on an individual level while the traditional Indian arranged marriage works as a concept that can be mass produced with similar results.

Here's a quick step-by-step guide -
• Find a girl in a socially/financially weak household
• Arrive on horseback with loud intimidating music and fire crackers
• Scare them into letting you take the girl.
• Oh! and instead of waiting for the ransom till you release the hostage,
you take the girl and the money at the same time.

In actual terms this form of hostage taking where the man brings security and the woman luck, is a far more cunning arrangement. And I mean arrangement in the strictest possible terms. This arrangement has scale, it transcends all social class and the most menacing of all, it is socially accepted.

But we are forgetting the one vital sweet fruit that Arranged Marriage has to offer us. The one most important ephemeral advantage of Arranged Marriage - Dowry.

I'm a huge fan of dowry. It's a brilliant concept. It's like any other form of personal loan if you ask me. Only the EMIs never end and the interest rates are ruthless. There's no early settlement. Plus even if you aren’t employed, you’d be getting plenty of free stuff anyway. Just to get started, or maybe not. Furniture, Bike/Car and daily items. If you try, it comes with a huge penalty. It’s called alimony.

So you proceed to get married anyway. Knowing fully well, the dangers involved. Then you become the man Friday of the house - all 7 days of the week. Your wife will ask you to stop at the grocery on your way home and pick up some stuff. And you will. EMI.

Weddings are over-rated. Marriages are not. We belong to a society of middle-class people with mediocre mentality, who prefer arranged marriages over love marriages any-day.

Yes. Maybe they have a point. In this selfish world of hypocrisy, you ought to have siblings. For moral and financial support. Someone to have your back after your parents get old and then too old. So if you’re a single child, it is altogether more necessary to be blessed with a good husband or a devoted wife. And to achieve this near-impossible feat, you have to find your life-partner and an able one at that.  According to statistics, Arranged Marriages are more successful. Plus this keeps your parents content and your relatives – quiet. The process is fun actually. You get to choose your life partner, like in the old days. ‘Here are some photos, pick one’ – they say. You can have the more fairer one- you will finally have someone pretty by your side, when you’re at the mall/theatre. Or you can have the plump one- the one who shall be a good house-keeper, while you ogle at your female colleague.

We all love the blame game, when we fail. So if your arranged marriage comes to an abrupt end, you know you’ve got a free license to blame a few people, for your failed marriage. Go berserk on them, while your neighbors ready their popcorn.



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