COMING CLEAN WITH THE NEXT GENERATION

Ever since we were old enough to utter our own words, we’ve been dealing with a fair amount of obfuscation about the realities of life. “Better to tell the children a nice fairy tale now,” the grown-ups thought, “and let them be horrified by the gravity of the situation when they’re older.” Its high time, we fed the next Generation with the hard hitting Truths.

1. A Mug of Beer does not make you an alcoholic.

2. If you did things the first time you were told, you’d waste a lot less of your own time.

3. Your generation will be embarrassed when you join Facebook.

4. Sunny Leone is Not an Actress.

5. Everyone feels like a dork in middle school.

6. Following Manchester City isn't cool.

7. Failure isn’t the pillar to success. Once a Failure, Always a Failure.

8. You can’t be anything you want to be.

9. It’s not my fault you’re bored.

10. I let you win at chess.

11. School and College are not equivalent.

12. Being a Twenty Something doesn’t make us very Old. We are still young!

13. Top Ramen, at 5-10rupees, is vastly underrated as a food group and is an appropriate meal any time of day; breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

14. Alcohol doesn’t taste bad. It becomes a necessity later onwards.

15. There is NO such thing as a Participation Trophy. If you are not in a Podium Finish, you are a Loser.

16. JK Rowling is a woman and Sidney Sheldon is a Man.

17. Pro wrestling/WWE is fake.

18. It is not a fun game to see how angry you can make each other.

19. Money ACTUALLY doesn’t grow on trees.

20. A belt will keep your pants up.

21. A naptime isn’t a punishment; not an unnecessary activity whose only purpose is to prevent you from playing outside with your friends or watching more television. Naptime is the BEST time, and should be taken advantage of at every possible occasion.

22. Your Education doesn’t just end at your 12^th grade. It’s just getting started.

23. Kissing and Intercourse are totally different things.

24. Sucking up to your superior helps.

25. Your parents don’t always have all the answers to the questions of the universe. Shock of all shocks, your parents are people just like you. Sometimes they know what’s best, sometimes they don’t (sometimes You’ll listen, sometimes You won’t).

26. Not all of you’re going to grow up and find your very own Prince Charming/Princess Sexy to marry.

27. Super Contra is the coolest Video Game ever.

28. When watching a movie you’ve seen but I haven’t, there’s this thing called a “spoiler alert.”

29. Lady Gaga is not a lady. She is something else.

30. Justin Bieber and Falguni Pathak aren’t Rockstars.

31. Your mother is the most important person in the world.

32. There’s a difference between someone being nice and someone being rich.

33. Ten minutes of spelling homework is not “a ton”.

34. “Sucks” is a useless word. It doesn’t describe anything.

35. Your life does not suck. Wait until you turn 23.

36. Social Networking & Having a I-Phone can’t be listed in your resume!

37. There are 151 Pokémon. Period.

38. You never get to chase your own dreams. You ALWAYS end up chasing someone else’s.

39. Your friends will change.

40. So will your beliefs and you.

I guess, as a kid, I used to believe that my beliefs would never change. Now that I’m almost turning into an uncle(A kid literally addressed me as such!), I believe they’ll never stop changing. And I believe that’s what growing up is all about. Happy New Year.