ME & BHAJJI

There’s something about Harbhajan Singh. Whether he’s dressing up in ugly jeans, making up fake doctorate degrees, slapping and kicking colleagues or just acting really weird and high, he manages to keep the public interested in whatever he’s doing. More than just an overhyped-player/Under-average student/Fashion-disaster/Wanabe-artist, ‘Bhajji’ has become famous for being Bhajji–a refreshing and necessary presence in today’s culture. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s super bindaas. It’s a known fact that turbaned bindaas people can get away with anything they want.

I was supposed to interview Harbhajan alongside Sreesanth/Symonds; but both of them had a bad stomach.
I entered his verandah where he is usually found eating puffed rice. But I was pleasantly surprised to see him naked doing yoga, with a Baba Ramdev DVD playing on television.

Me:  Hi Harbhajan. Thanks for meeting me.
Harbhajan Singh:  Sir.

Me:   Sorry ?
H.S : (Wrapping a towel around his waist); Sir Harbhajan, to you.

Me:  Err. Okay. Can I call you Bhajji ?H.S:  Saale, Bhya@#$^&*. Do I look like a fried dish to you ??!!

Me:  Okay, but others do call you the same. Anyways, can we get started ?
H.S :  Sure. Let me grab a beer. Btw, The nickname 'Turbanator' is cool. Makes me feel grand.

Me:  Why did you choose your career in Cricket?
H.S:  To lose my virginity.

Me:  (Dumbfounded), What ?!!
H.S:  Oh come on. I could never have trapped a hottie like Geeta Basra with conventional methods. Thanks to cricket, I am a celebrity. And I have sex every now and then. Wham-Bam, Thank you Ma’am.

Me:  Oh yeah, Geeta. She has quite a history with Emraan, with all those steamy-nude-kissing scenes. Doesn’t it bother you ?
H.S:  Hey Dickhead, if you get a chance to marry Angelina Jolie, wont you do it ? Or will you ask the same question to yourself ?

Me:  Fair enough. Now lets talk about that Symonds fiasco. Why and how did all that happen ?
H.S:  It just got blown out of proportion really. As a matter of fact, he and I are Chaddi-Buddies. We both are in Mumbai Indians now, we get along really well. Infact, we played Snake & Ladder yesterday. I let him win. :)

Me:  But why did all that racism incident happen ?
H.S:  You see, we were fooling around each other one day. He happened to ask me the Hindi version of “Dick”. Instantly, I spat out “Laura”. Was it my fault that his Swedish Girlfriend’s name was also Laura ?
One thing led to another and the rest is history.

Me: Hmmm. Now what about that Sreesanth slapping episode ?
H.S: Arrey yaar, that was nothing. The kid had sent a Non-veg joke to Nita Ambani, starring me.
And Nita had forwarded that same message to me as well. It was true yet insulting.

Me:  The one with Sania Mirza in it ?
H.S:  (Bewildered), Yes !! How did you know about that ?

Me:  Nevermind. It was heard that you were supposed to do a show called “Jhalak Dikhlaja”. But you were seen outside the “Movers & Shakers” studio ?
H.S:  Yes. Both true. The Jhalak people had already signed that nigger son-of-an-aunty (The word “Bitch” has been replaced here) Jayasuriya. And I was to be on Movers & Shakers. But the steroid guy-Shekhar, had invited his own son to his show. Kya bakhchodi he. God bless them.

Me: You lead the Mumbai Indians to 2011 Champions League 20-20 title, but fell out of favor with the national selectors. You were chosen in the squad against West Indies and were excluded from the Australian tour as well. Mumbai Indians won their first ever championship under your captaincy. MI won Champions league by 31 runs. You were adjudged ‘man of the match’ for your contribution as well. But didnt feature in the national team.
Why this Kolaveri ?
H.S: The Board is to blame here. All of this happened because I didn’t follow them on Twitter. But they didn’t like any of my Facebook Profile pictures either !!

Me:  (Smirking) Cant blame them for this. By the way, you are the second-highest wickest taker in Tests as an Off-Spinner, behind Muttiah Muralitharan and are famous for “Doosra”. You are/were/are also the captain of Mumbai Indians. Do you wish to captain the Indian team as well ?
H.S: I don’t like this question.

Me:  Any compliments from anyone, you will never forget ?
H.S:  I am still waiting for it. By God's grace Archana Puran Singh texts me on a weekly basis. So I am content.

Me:  You have been particularly successful against Australian batsman Ricky Ponting, taking his wicket on ten occasions in Test cricket. Your say on this ?
H.S : We have an understanding. I had voted for him whilst he was a presidential candidate for Australia.

Me: Vote! You-an Indian ?! And Ricky- President ?!
H.S: Hey, Justin Bieber is a rockstar; I voted Ricky. It’s a whacky world.

Me: Thank you Mr.Singh for your time. Anything you would like to say to our readers ?
H.S: Yes. I would like to send out a message to the people out there. Please stop googling “Geeta Basra- HOT/NUDE/SEX/KISS”. It is really embarrassing. And follow me on twitter to know more about my twirly chest hair. SAT-SRIYAKAL