SORRY BABY

Dear Munupuuchuu/Shonaa/Dhana/Sweetie,

Baby, I’m really sorry about Valentine’s Day this year. I know I screwed up. The enthusiasm, excitement and spirit were all there, but I made some egregious errors in judgment. And for that, I apologize. I am really really reeeaaallllyyy sorry. I really hope we can get past this and enjoy the upcoming festivals with much fan-fare. But, just to be thorough, I wanted to specifically apologize for the following incidents..


I’m sorry I used an emoticon when I texted you yesterday morning. I was hoping you’d find it silly and cute, and I didn’t realize that it would immediately shrink my penis by several inches.

I’m sorry that when we were passionately cuddling on your bed I grabbed your waist and yelled, “Oooh, the curves are back!” I know it ruined the moment. I’m just really excited about the curves coming back. Look at Sonakshi Sinha ! Mallu Aunty :P

I’m sorry that I wear black underwear week in, week out. And that “Hard Rock” caption on the front was just a hoax. Nothing to worry about.
I’m sorry that I convinced you that “Superman” by Eminem was my most favorite song. That is not true. Also, heavy metal is not “considered the music of romance in my parent’s village.”

I’m sorry I stole your brother’s sandals. They are a thing of beauty at my place and a scarcity is being felt. I will replace them with my bathroom slippers. ASAP!


I’m sorry that I installed Norton-AntiVirus on your computer. I didn’t realize that it’s actually far more annoying and malicious than any virus could possibly be. You have to admire their audacity, though. I mean, they’re just shameless.


I’m sorry that I made you leave the restaurant before we finished eating so that we could get to the video store before it closed. Didn't mean to linger long at the adult section.

I’m sorry about the new nickname I came up with for you. I was just trying to be cute and adorable, and I swear that I’ve never heard that word used as a racial slur before.

I’m sorry that I didn’t want to watch it with you, but honestly, I just don’t like Pavitra Rishta. I’m not trying to diminish your enjoyment of it. But I’m just not a fan, okay? So stop looking at me like that. 

I’m sorry I kept staring at that girl at the mall. I mean, did you see the ass on her ?!! Errrrr.. Excuse me. I am losing it.


I’m sorry that all I got you for Valentine’s Day was Rs100 worth of Tata DOCOMO talktime. That was a mistake, both romantically and financially. If it makes you feel any better, my only other idea was to get you a fairness cream and a deodorant. And let me tell you, they are quite practical.
“No pasine ki badbuu” :) But then again, i don't think you stink. Sometimes it helps when you opt for sleeveless tops. Plus you too could have got me a Reduce Hair-fall Potion.

I’m sorry I used the “Valentine’s Day was created by greeting card companies” cliché as an excuse for my shoddy homemade card. However, this might have worked if I had given you a thoughtful handcrafted card instead of a rushed attempt at a sonnet written on the back of a Grocery receipt.

I’m sorry I kept yelling “Hoorah” while watching Pyaar Ka Punchnama.
Sorry I made you watch it in the first place. I know, all girls inclusive of you are angels.


Sorry I pushed you against that wall, but honey, please don't ever again make fun or speak ill of my football club. I know you can forgive me for these minor, yet cumulatively substantial blunders. You know I can do better. Stay excited.
                                                                                           Lovingly yours..

P.S - This piece is loosely based on real characters. Lohit Biswal , Rishul Matta and Anjan Mohapatra are some of the few. :) Love you guys. Leave a comment here.